Keep Your Day Job - But You Ought To Write Too

I've Moved

2011-09-20T19:56:00.000-06:00

My new home: http://www.attitudesquared.blogspot.com/

Just Playing

2011-07-25T11:05:00.000-06:00

No doubt about it: our life experience is replete with lessons, often in the form of repeated messages of the same theme - until we "get it". For someone thick (as I most definitely am) more often than not those messages must be repeated ad nauseum - literally beating me about the head with them - before it all finally sinks in! :)

Take, for instance, the lesson of how important play is!

First lesson graciously offered to me, just a few weeks back: TED Fellow Isabel Behncke's TED talk "Evolution's Gift of Play, from Bonobo Apes to Humans".

Second lesson offered raucously spur of the moment, but also somehow graciously, by my own son just last night as he comes bursting in from outside at 8:30pm at night: "Hey, Mom - wanna go swimming with me now?" Our pool closes at 9pm!!

And then, this morning's "Monday Motivators" e-zine by Joan Burge titled "Playtime for Adults", wherein Joan shares this link "Power Play: Getting Into Goofing Off"!

I'm embarrassed to say it wasn't until this morning's e-zine read that I finally Got It! All the recent opportunities to learn about play I had been offered - and had remained stubbornly obtuse to!

I'm also embarrassed (and more than a little saddened) to admit I, of course, turned down my son's offer to swim (AKA "play")! Why? Well after all, by the time I'd change and drive down there, we'd barely have 15 minutes to swim if lucky! And besides, my knees ached, my back ached, my feet hurt... Let's be honest, I was generally determined to be "old", full of self-pity and misery and completely and resolutely incapable of spontaneity or fun!

I should have gone swimming with my son. So what if we only ended up with 15 minutes of actual swimming? So what if everything hurt? And so what if everything hurting made me move even slower than I normally do? He was willing to wait patiently. Even to help. So why wasn't I? What was I afraid of? Ending up even more exhausted than I was? Looking foolish? Looking frail? Seriously? I'm nearing 60. Do I really need to worry about what I look like to others at this late stage?

These musings got me to wondering: when was the last time I had fun? Well, I did go to see Harry Potter with my son this weekend. We both totally loved it, and yes, we did have a good time together. But when was the last time I truly had a rip-roaring good time? You know, when I laughed so hard with a good friend, over nothing at all, till the tears were streaming down our faces? If I'm honest, that was about 2.5 years ago! When was the last time I got so into play, that I totally lost track of time - and myself? When was the last time I daydreamed? Or got into mischief? Or got lost, and enjoyed the experience? Or talked into the wee hours of the morning, because the company was just that good? I have memories of all these things. When did all that action, all that living, cease and turn into mere memories?

No doubt about it - I've become so adept at being a responsible adult I've completely forgotten how to have fun! And that is a crime. A crime I must correct immediately. Next time my son comes in with something spontaneous and completely illogical, I'm going to try my very best to resist being a "responsible adult"! God help me, please! I'm going to try my best to have FUN! Aching joints be damned!

On the Nature of Misery

2011-07-13T20:05:00.000-06:00

I am currently coming out of a rather lengthy angry phase, and I am so relieved! High time, I say!

Anger is not integral to my nature.

Some might say Life has given me more than enough reasons to be and stay forever angry - or seriously depressed, or something. The fact that I generally am not is my strength, for which I am eternally grateful! So yeah, when the occasional spell of anger (or sadness, or depression, or anything similar) hits, I am all too happy to celebrate its demise and help kick its butt right out the door!

I’ve never fully understood people whose integral natures are far gloomier or combative. I have tried. Please don’t misunderstand. I understand fully well when a chemical imbalance or some other natural disease is the root cause. And I have much empathy for these people as I know the huge hurdles they and their loved ones are up against: first finding someone gifted enough to happen upon the right diagnosis, and then finding the right balance of medication / therapy - all just to regain some semblance of a balanced and peaceful spirit. What an unimaginable yet very real nightmare for them and those who love them!

But I am not talking about them. It is those who seem to prefer conflict, anger, confrontation, rejection – in short, those who prefer to be miserable – that I can neither understand nor relate to. Whenever these types pop into my life, I invariably end up walking away from them before very long. I simply refuse to allow them in my life.

What are some of your thoughts on this topic?

Me and Things Electric Ain't Friends

2011-07-08T20:25:00.002-06:00

Nearly pissed myself laughing at myself earlier tonight!

Gruelingly long Friday at the end of an equally grueling week. Son is away this weekend with friends, so all I want to do is get home, get in my pajamas, flop in front of television ...AND NOT MOVE!!

So I walk thru the door like a woman possessed: shoes off, dogs quickly taken care of, pajamas thrown on. I think the shirt is on backwards and the shorts are inside-out, but who the hell cares, right? I make a quick sandwich, flop down in my favorite chair with remote in hand, hit the On button and .... Nothing!! I check the satellite box, no power light! I press the button, still no light. I look around, don't see anything glaringly wrong.

By now I'm muttering under my breath, automatically assuming son is the culprit. He loves to wire it up to his Xbox, Wii, what-have-you - knowing full well I've no freaking clue how to work around it all! I spend a few more irritating minutes looking at everything, fiddling with the remote, and muttering under my breath. Nothing!

So guess what I did? You got it! I called my son just so's I could be all pissy at him and make him as irritated as I was!

Fortunately, my son is a much bigger person than I am. He tried walking me, calmly, through a few logical options, and when that failed - he suggested I call a neighbor or call the satellite company. I pissily thanked him for nothing, hung up, muttered ... and then did as he suggested! After an irritating 10 mins listening to an inane and infuriating automated menu I finally ended up screaming "I want to TALK to someone!!" into the receiver.

Amazingly, the menu understood and connected me to a human being!

As calmly as I could (which really wasn't anywhere near calmly at all), I explained that I had no TV. That there was no light on the receiver. Much more calmly than I had managed, the human voice on the other end asked me, "Please check the power cord on the back of the satellite box." What? What power cord?? There was a "satellite in" cord, and a "TV out" cord (at least I think that's what they said - who can read print that tiny?), but no power cord! To which she asked (again, calmly and not at all condescendingly - I've no idea how she managed it!!), "Do you see where the power cord should be?" Uh-huh. Yup, sure do. And it's empty as empty can be! Somehow managing to not laugh at me (again - no clue how she managed it), she asked me to look around for the power cord - she'd be happy to wait. I put the phone down to do as she asked, but also to put some distance between her and myself so she wouldn't hear me start to crack up!

Well waddyaknow!! Shore enuf, I found the blasted thing laying all forlorn-like on the floor! Shaking from laughter, I plugged it back in, and in less than a minute - voila!! TV!!

I apologized as humbly and coherently as I could to the saintly voice on the other end of the phone, hung up ... and then proceeded to practically piss myself laughing! And y'all will be happy to know that I texted my son to let him off the hook, and to give him and all his friends a good laugh as well! O.O

Why Do We Disrespect Those Who Have So Much Respect for Us

2011-07-05T20:30:00.000-06:00

Our veterans respect and love us so much that they are willing to die for our right to disagree with them, even to protest them and all that they hold dear.

So why then, do we disrespect them in ever increasing numbers?

I just saw this article, about Director Arleen Ocasio of the Houston National Cemetery banning the use of the words "God" and "Jesus" during veteran funerals at the cemetery. Completely ignoring and disallowing the last wishes of not only the veterans, but of their families.

Then, I get an email about the near non-event that was the passing of "Shifty" this past January. You say you don't know Shifty? Well, if you have watched "Band of Heroes", you know Shifty. Following is the picture and email I received on this sad near-non-event. The question posed at the very end is, I think, a good one.

"Shifty"
By Chuck Yeager [Major General, retired]

Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st Airborne Infantry. If you've seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the History Channel, you know Shifty. His character appears in all 10 episodes, and Shifty himself is interviewed in several of them.

I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn't know who he was at the time. I just saw an elderly gentleman having trouble reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was at the right gate, and noticed the "Screaming Eagle," the symbol of the 101st Airborne, on his hat.

Making conversation, I asked him if he'd been in the 101st Airborne or if his son was serving. He said quietly that he had been in the 101st. I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served, and how many jumps he made.

Quietly and humbly he said, "Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so, and was in until sometime in 1945 ..." at which point my heart skipped.

At that point again, very humbly, he said "I made the 5 training jumps at Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy . . . do you know where Normandy is?" At this point my heart stopped. I told him "Yes, I know exactly where Normandy is, and I know what D-Day was." At that point he said "I also made a second jump into Holland, into Arnhem."

I was standing with a genuine war hero ... and then I realized that it was June, just after the anniversary of D-Day.

I asked Shifty if he was on his way back from France, and he said "Yes... and it's real sad because these days so few of the guys are left, and those that are, lots of them can't make the trip." My heart was in my throat and I didn't know what to say.

I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in coach while I was in First Class. I sent the flight attendant back to get him and said that I wanted to switch seats. When Shifty came forward, I got up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have it, that I'd take his in coach.

He said "No, son, you enjoy that seat. Just knowing that there are still some who remember what we did and who still care is enough to make an old man very happy." His eyes were filling up as he said it.

And mine are brimming up now as I write this.

Shifty died on Jan. l7 2011, after fighting cancer.
An incredible American Hero - May God rest his soul.
There was no parade.
No big event in Staples Center
No wall-to-wall, back-to-back, 24x7 news coverage.
No weeping fans on television.

And that's just not right!

Why do we allow the media to choose our "heroes" for us these days?

Teens and Near 60 Year Olds

2011-07-04T09:55:00.000-06:00

OK - you're probably tired of hearing this by now, but one more time: I recently blew up our electric lawn mower! Long story - and though quite hilarious, let's not go there again, 'kay? This was several weeks ago.  So yeah, several weeks worth of growth (fueled by lots of rain) since the lawn was last touched! You guessed it, beyond knee-high in July!! This week I was finally able to replace the mower ... with an old fashioned, non-motorized, push-type, 14" mower!

At the time I thought it would be good for son (a teen), as he's been saying he wants to start working out and getting in better shape.  For those of us who remember, what better way to get in shape than with a push-type mower, right? And a small one to boot, to do a rather large and difficult yard!

What I had forgotten about, of course, is that talk is cheap! And when it comes to teen talk, rarely followed through with actual action!

So guess who's been getting in shape and getting that workout -- aching joints and all!?!! I'm nearing 60, the house is usually filled with teen boys, especially on the weekends. What's wrong with this picture?  :)

OK, I am exagerating and poking a bit of fun. Son did (grudgingly) come to my rescue today when I was only able to do half the yard. When it's cooler later this evening, we next need to figure out how to do the week whacking without a weed whacker!

Purple Squirrels

2011-06-30T14:49:00.003-06:00

Are You Willing to Become One, or Will One Replace You?
By Pat Barber

The term “Purple Squirrel” recently caught my attention. As I must do when my curiosity is peaked, I investigated! Urbandictionary.com gives this definition: “The elusive candidate with exactly the right qualifications to match a business’s needs.” Then I ran across an October 11th 2010 CBSNewYork.com article describing it this way: “Businesses are looking to do more and more with fewer people, so they want people who are able to take on a wide range of duties.”

But wait! Aren’t “exactly the right qualifications” and “wide range of duties” conflicting terms? Perhaps – perhaps not. Here’s the thing. The term “Purple Squirrel” has been around for a number of years now, mostly familiar to HR and recruiting professionals who coined the term to describe businesses whose candidate expectations were, in their opinion, impossibly unrealistic.

The recent global recession, however, forced business expectations to change. In short the age of “It’s not in my job description!”, or “I haven’t been trained in that!”, or “I have seniority - I shouldn’t have to work so hard!” can no longer be tolerated. And in fact, it does not have to be! Realistic or not, impossible or not, in a job market saturated with thousands upon thousands of job seekers, businesses hold the upper hand and their demands are being met! Progressive and college prep high schools, college career counselors, HR representatives, and even recruiters – all are scrambling to make the impossible possible. The formerly elusive and near-extinct Purple Squirrel is not only alive and well, it is fast becoming prolific!

Businesses need their people, at all levels, to be willing (and able) to wear many hats. They need extremely flexible people, willing to ignore stereotypical job descriptions or inflexible work hours. They want (and are getting) employees consistently willing to go where none in their profession have gone before! Employees who, regardless of seniority, are willing to continually learn and grow, willing to consistently push themselves (and others) past comfort zones! They want and need employees who hold an ever present and unshakeable conviction that nothing is beyond them or their ability to learn, or is “bigger” than them, or beneath them, or is “someone else’s job”.

They want and need Purple Squirrels!

And if their existing staff cannot or will not become the Purple Squirrels they need, they will simply go elsewhere for them! And so I respectfully submit that the question for every employee today - no matter where, in what profession, or at what level - truly does become:

“Are you willing to become a Purple Squirrel … or will one replace you?”

I Guest Blogged on Joan Burge's Blog!

2011-06-24T13:31:00.000-06:00

I was honored to be asked to do a guest post on Joan Burge's blog (Joan is CEO of Office Dynamics), about creating an admin. community. It published this morning. Please feel free to share and to comment (either here or on Joan's blog; you'll need to register to comment directly on Joan's blog)!!

How To Create An Admin Community Office Dynamics
(If the link doesn't work, go directly to http://www.officedynamics.com, then click on the "Blogs" tab)

What Would I Tell My Younger Self?

2011-01-31T22:25:00.003-07:00

If I could, what would I tell my younger self? Have you ever thought about this? I have, every now and again. Just never put thoughts to writing. Until now.

I would tell myself, first and foremost, that life is very, VERY much worth living. I had strong doubts about this when I was young. So I'd want the young me to know there are reasons to hang on.

Next, I would tell the young me that though worth living, living won't be easy. Or fair. The young me already suspects this.

I'd explain that yes, marriages will happen. Plural. And so of course divorces (plural) will also happen. Cancer will happen, and so will a child and step children. And dogs. My faith will deepen and strengthen, my alcohol abuse will end of its own accord because I will simply no longer need the escape or the crutch.

I would explain that yes, I am different from most in my birth family. It is a difference that will last my entire lifetime, and it is a difference most in my birth family will never be able to understand or get past. I would lovingly but emphatically explain to my younger self that this is their issue. Not mine. And I should never allow them to make it mine.

I would ask my younger self to try and stop resenting my life's events conspiring to make me a woman of strength. It is inevitable, and once I can relax into it, I'll actually be happier being strong and independent. Equal partnerships will work for me, but being dependent on others never will.

Finally, I would tell my younger self that before I die I will experience (and enjoy) love in all of its many forms. But I must strive to recognize and accept that true love is a gift to give, not a gift to receive. And until I can - I will never truly know love. So the ultimate quest is not to experience love, but to know love.

Reflections On Being A Mom

2011-01-25T21:38:00.006-07:00

This may or may not become a series of short reflection posts - haven't made up my mind yet. Anyway, here's the 1st one:

One reflection: I learned all the things NOT to do from my stepmother, who was exceedingly cruel. Sadly, the way she treated me was a HUGE improvement over the way she herself was treated as a child. But what I could not protect my son from was having to experience my cancer with me. I knew he was scared. So was I. We worked at being totally open and honest with each other. We both came to realize that being scared together was far better than being scared alone.

Our Journey

2011-01-23T08:26:00.004-07:00

I am an elderly single working mom to a teenage boy. It was my choice that I am single & I do not regret my choice. I needed to protect myself & my son. Still in all single-mom hood to a teenage boy is challenging and tough. And rewarding. My son and I are yet again at a transition point. My son is teaching me how to let go, loosen the reigns and let him go fully into his own life, his own identity. It is at once awesome and scary, for both of us. We are both thankful we have wonderful friends willing to journey with us!

A Sad Obituary

2011-01-13T21:06:00.005-07:00

When I got this as an email "pass-around", it was proclaimed an obituary to have appeared in The London Times. I have no idea if that's true or not ... but I liked it enough to share it here:

~~~~~~~~~~~

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and - maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but were prohibited from informing parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, by his wife Discretion, by his daughter Responsibility, and by his son Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

I Would Have Loved You, Mom ... I Think

2011-01-11T20:05:00.005-07:00

I have been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook lately. Beautiful, touching posts about loving and missing mothers who have passed on.

Remembering our mothers is not merely beautiful, it is right and it sooths the soul. But I humbly offer this: if you have memories of your mother - no matter the nature of those memories, whether good or otherwise - be eternally grateful for them! Be grateful you have memories - yes, even if they be unpleasant ones.

Good, bad or indifferent - you were blessed. You were given the opportunity to know your mother. Some of us were not so blessed. Some of us yearn for a memory of sitting at a kitchen table sharing endless cups of coffee and hours upon hours of conversation with our mothers.

I do not say this to make anyone feel guilty or bad. Nor do I want anyone to feel badly for me. My birth mother has always been with me, near me, guiding me. Her love, her presence, is very real to me. I just never knew her. Not in this lifetime.

Executive Chef, or Something Else?

2011-01-10T09:49:00.009-07:00

I've often wondered why I've always been so attracted to the food industry, when my chosen field is Administrative Assistant. What could the two worlds possibly have in common?

Well Nancy Fraze, CEAP and Field Reporter for Joan Burge, Adminology (must set up your free account to access) and Office Dynamics, answered my question just this morning in her Monday Motivators ezine article entitled, "The Administrative Profession: We Can Stand the Heat AND Stay in the Kitchen!" I've copied the article in its entirety below since there isn't a way to link to it, but anyone can sign up here to receive these once-weekly motivators via email; you can also bookmark Joan's blog for timely advice and inspiration ...

_____________

The Administrative Profession: We Can Stand the Heat & Stay in the Kitchen!
January 10, 2011
By Nancy Fraze for Joan Burge

Recently I dined at Pasta Primavera, my neighborhood café. It was busy, so my husband and I opted to wait for a better table. The lone Chef working in the café's open kitchen caught my attention.

The Chef was amazing! He simultaneously prepared 13 meals in large sauté pans on a huge double sided gas stove. Constantly moving, he kept a close eye on his 13 sauté pans, shaking this one, jostling that one, adding olive oil, plating a third one onto a pile of rich pasta with a flourish of spices, before starting another round of proteins cooking in clean sauté pans.

Watching him work was like watching a ballet or a finely tuned orchestra (of one!). The owner saw my interest in Chef's work and came over to chat. The owner told me that Second Chef was out that night, but Chef and the owner had determined Chef's working the grill solo that night would best ensure menu quality control. That really caught my interest, so I began to look for the lesson in this.

I never saw Chef look up or around, even at the diners. Chef focused only on his sauté pans. Having initially prepped his workstation sauces, oils and proteins, he managed his work station with quality and responsibility. I also noticed he didn't offer suggestions or chat with the Sous Chef or garnish station worker. Chef had a single purpose: high-quality entrees.

It interested me that none of his finished products were less than spectacular. Then I saw why: Chef had pre-set the gas burners, in pairs, to different flame heights. He cooked by moving pans from higher heat over to lower heat as things progressed.

He never re-adjusted the stove or the burners, but boy, did he move his pans!

Later, while seated at our table and spinning my fork around piccata seafood linguine, I realized the administrative profession is quite similar to Chef's expertise that night:

* We need to prepare our workstation before we begin work;

* We need to strategize with the owner (our leader or executive) about how to best ensure quality control;

* We need to evaluate our work, set our burners accordingly and then work it without fidgeting or constantly changing what we've already set;

* We need to keep a close watch, letting no details slide;

* We need to keep our pans moving!

* And last, but certainly not least: we need to be responsible for our results and let others be responsible for theirs.

The administrative profession is a career of choice. While it can sometimes get "hot" we have what it takes to stay (and succeed!) in the kitchen.

_______________

So what's my point of this post? Namely this and applicable to Executive and Assistant alike: Which do you choose for yourself? An Executive Chef, or something else? Know that the choice is yours, freely. You only have to be "OK" with your choice, as well as responsible for it.

Picture Frame

2011-01-09T15:44:00.001-07:00

Once you become a mom you stop being the Picture and start being the Frame. Leastways, that's the way it should work out...

Recognition for Doing Good?

2011-01-09T15:42:00.002-07:00

If one does good ... is it necessary to be recognized for it?
If recognition is necessary, is it still "good" ...
Or has it become something else?

Another Reason Not To Mess With Old Folks!

2011-01-04T10:52:00.008-07:00

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying,

"Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,

"No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to.."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,

"Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 10 gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said,

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said ...

"No sir...... But.... I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:
1. Never be arrogant.
2. Don't waste ammunition.
3. Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4. Always, always make sure you know who has the real power.
5. Don't mess with old folks ... they didn't get old by being stupid!!

Disclaimer:
Nope, this is not my story.
I just liked it a lot when I heard it!

Take The 5 Love Languages profile with this widget

2011-01-04T09:27:00.001-07:00

My Morning Necessity(ies)

2011-01-03T19:48:00.004-07:00

It goes without saying that each and every morning I need coffee. Lots, and lots, and lots, and LOTS of coffee!! My one addiction - freely admitted, and much adored!!

I thought that was my one and only necessity every morning, but upon closer and more careful reflection it seems I also need ... my morning routine. All of it! Each and every step of it.

Unchanged, unaltered, and completely unremarkable as it may be:

Sit up in bed, take note of what does or doesn't hurt. Take care of personal and oral hygiene. Let dogs out, fill their water and food bowls, let dogs back in and giggle watching them trip over themselves in their mad rush to get to their food. Make my coffee, turn on TV to catch the news and weather while going through my email and Facebook news feeds. Sip - nay, GUZZLE - coffee, and then pour myself some more!

I allow anywhere from 15 mins to 1/2 hour for the TV/email/FB/coffee segment, then get dressed for work and out the door I go. If it isn't a work day then I simply get on with the rest of my day.

Work day or otherwise, the routine is the same. And it is the routine, as much as the coffee, that I need each and every morning for the rest of my day to be "OK" - even if it turns out to be a totally NOT OK day!

Make any sense at all? Right, then. Not to me either!

What Do I Want to Accomplish in 2011?

2011-01-02T08:38:00.003-07:00

So the daily blogging continues - day 2 (so far so good!).

For those days when we come up blank for something to write about, there is a daily suggestion list. Since I'm blank most days, I'm taking advantage of that for today's entry!

Today's topic is "My 2011 To-Do List" - what would I like to accomplish this year? What are the places I want to visit in 2011? What do I hope to check off my bucket list in 2011?

2009 was all about major mouth and bone reconstruction surgeries (and accompanying pain and financial chaos) for me. While still working full time (little to no time off) and raising my (now) teen-aged son -- and carrying on with the myriad other day-to-day activities of maintaining a household and a life.

The year and half before that was all about seeing my son through corneal transplant surgery and a full year of healing and battling multiple rejection threats.

My son and I haven't had a proper vacation since (I believe) 2006 or 2007. So I'd like to make a proper, full-out, vacation for my son and me a top priority in 2011. Since all financial resources are totally maxed out for the next 3 years due to the surgeries - this will indeed be a feat of distinction if I can pull it off!

Next: all my "newspaper" horoscopes keep telling me things in my professional life are about to take off BIG time. Major changes, increased responsibility and visibility, increased leadership opportunities, and most important at all, greatly increased earnings. Fingers crossed, but I have to admit to some skepticism when I look at the economic situation we all are (and have been) in. Nonetheless, hopeful!

As to a bucket list - I don't have one! Maybe time to start one? Hmmmm.....!

A New Year - A New Dare

2011-01-01T10:43:00.003-07:00

January 1st, 2011. A new year! Happy New Year to one and all.

I've started this new year by joining a new community, BloggyMoms, and accepting their BlogDare: to try and blog something each and every day of 2011!!

What with my crazed life and increased responsbilities at work, and there being only one of me to go round (yes, I hear the relieved applause in the background to this welcomed news! Grin!) ... I have no confidence whatsoever I'll be able to keep this dare. But hey, it's worth a shot, right? Right!

Let's consider this my 1st day's entry, OK? KayThxBuy! See y'all tomorrow!

Day 16: A Song That Makes Me Cry (or Nearly)

2010-11-14T07:59:00.003-07:00

OK - resuming the 30 Day Meme. Yes, yes - I know. I'm waaaaaaay behind schedule! Sorry!

Day 16's assignment is to write about a song that makes me cry (or nearly cry). I'm stumped! There are so many! Contrary to popular opinion, I cry very easily. No, not usually over my life or my day-to-day tribulations. For some reason those events rarely make me cry. But tell me a story, in word or in song, about the trials and tribulations of others, or of unfairness or cruelty ... and the waterworks begin in earnest! I guess I just can't stand unmoved in the face of others' sufferings. Those stories never leave me unmoved. I've always been like this, even as a small child. Crikey - even a stupid TV commercial can turn on the waterworks for me, if it's sad enough or portrays injustice or cruelty!

So yes, I'm stumped on this one! So, so many songs make me cry - each and every time I hear them! So I think I'm going to turn the tables on this assignment, by asking YOU what song or songs make you cry? I'd really love to know! And if you can, please send along a link to the song or at least to the lyrics. After all, you shouldn't cry alone!

A Professional Editorial

2010-11-05T13:08:00.005-06:00

To my fellow assistants everywhere: following is an editorial piece I wrote recently about my chosen profession...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then does it follow that executives and their assistants are also from polar-opposite planets?

And if it follows ... must it?

I endlessly research my chosen career -- that of Assisting. When I ignore the tedium of detail from that research, and focus instead on the "Big Picture", do you know what materializes time and time again? In a nutshell: most assistants want partnership/open communication with their executives ... while most executives want clairvoyants and mind-readers!

Wouldn't be so bad, really - except that it's near impossible (isn't it?) to successfully meld what is essentially conflicting career goals on the one hand (partnering, communicating Assistants) - to personal preferences on the other hand (executives wishing for clairvoyants and mind readers).

And to make matters worse executives (and even some assistants) tend to further polarize things by creating two (mostly fictional) categories of assisting: business assisting and personal assisting.

Are personal assisting and business assisting true polar-opposites ... oil vs water ... East vs West ... never the twain shall meet … and all that rot? After all, with a personal assistant an executive has a far better likelihood of getting that dreamed-for clairvoyant or mind reader, right?

What?

Does this mean that so-called “business assistants” are incapable of clairvoyancy (otherwise known merely as “being able to anticipate wants and needs”)? No, I think not! I think all genres of assistants are equally capable of anticipating wants and needs. We all may joke (in that light-hearted self-deprecating way we have) of having failed Mind Reading 101. I know I claim it daily! But reality is this: an ability to accurately anticipate wants and needs combined with a talent for staving off potential disaster is part and parcel of who we all are and what makes us so valuable. To our executives and to our companies. It makes no matter at all if we are clerks, personal assistants, business assistants, executive assistants, office managers or what have you. We all bring these abilities, and so many more, to the table. Every day.

And our executives and companies benefit immensely. Every day.

So I say it is high time executives and assistants join hands together to abolish harmful, inaccurate or even fictional perceptions. I respectfully submit that it is wrong to believe that business assistants are not or can not be personable, approachable, vulnerable, fun, tension easing and mood lightening, not to mention awesome event planners, travel arrangers, calendar jugglers and excellent phone and email screeners if need be. Just as wrong as it is to believe that personal assistants can not or should not run meetings or speak publicly, train or lead, create or analyze reports, do effective research, or understand business or industry goals and trends.

And when you begin to believe and embrace this - you begin to realize that The Devil lays not so much in perceptions, nor even in fictional and polarizing categories, but is instead in perceived value. AHA! Now it crystallizes doesn't it?

Bottom line: your company, any company, pays for what it values. It is not your company's job to justify what it values, or what it is willing to pay for that which it values. It is, however, our job to ensure our executives and companies understand the immense value we all provide them with each and every day. It is not bragging or “tooting one's own horn” to do this. It is business. Pure and simple.

Day 15: My Dream House

2010-11-03T19:55:00.007-06:00

First and foremost: it'd be mortgage free.
And then, maybe just maybe, even maintenance free.

I don't know. Over the years my vision of a "dream home" has changed drastically. A multi-floored mansion, or a log cabin, or a country cottage, or a southern plantation, or an underground marvel, or one built into the side of a mountain. Once (briefly) even a houseboat.

Nowadays I just want something that is not a prison. Either financially, or in the amount of care it needs.

There have always been a few constants, though. A huge kitchen, with excellent lighting and top-notch, large scale, large capacity appliances. Have always wanted a working, genuine fireplace. A large, sweeping veranda. Lots of windows (easy open, easy access, easy clean ones!) No carpeting - anywhere! I want only wood flooring, or stone or ceramic tiling. And maybe no curtains or drapes, either. And no vinyl blinds. Just wide-slat wooden shutters - inside and out.

But most of all - I'd want it to be a lively place. Filled with laughter, people, kids, pets, visitors. The best of all possible worlds that I could imagine would be a home that was also a place of employment. A place of income. For me, and for others.

Day 14: A Non-Fiction Book

2010-11-02T20:33:00.007-06:00

OK - I've finally done it: I am now officially behind schedule with this meme! This post should have gone up yesterday. Ah well...

Let's see. I'm supposed to share with you my favorite non-fictional book. I actually have two - but they share a common theme.

They are...

Lance Armstrong's book "It's Not About The Bike"...

And Dr. Terri Nielsen's book "Ice Bound: A Doctor's Incredible Survival At the South Pole."

Both are stories of triumphing, at least temporarily, over cancer: testicular cancer in Lance's case, and breast cancer in Dr. Nielsen's case.

Unlike fictional writing, non-fiction "happily ever after" is never a guarantee. Lance's unfolding future became quite different from his book, and left me more than a little disappointed. In him, the man, as well as in the future he chose for himself. Oh well, that's just me.

And in Dr. Nielsen's case? Well, sadly she lost her battle with cancer, in June 2009 I believe. But in her I am not disappointed. She LIVED each and every minute of her life from the moment of diagnosis (1999, I believe?) to 2009!

I want to be just like her when I grow up!

Day 13: A Fictional Book

2010-10-31T17:53:00.004-06:00

Well, since I haven't written any books - fictional or otherwise - I'm guessing the assignment is to post what my favorite fictional book is. Kinda sounds like deja vu, doesn't it? Didn't I just post about my favorite books? Oh well...

When I was a kid I think Christy was my favorite fictional book. But I do believe all of J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter books are my all-time favorites.

Day 12: Something I'm OCD About

2010-10-30T18:30:00.006-06:00

I think by the end of this post I'm going to realize I'm a lot more OCD than I ever admitted ... hang on!

First off, I hate plastic bags. They're fine for bringing groceries home, or while shopping, but the minute I get home, everything must come out of them, be put away, and whatever bags I'm not going to reuse must be immediately thrown out! My Ex used to keep everything in the plastic bags he brought them home in, and then of course, he'd never open them again and would completely forget what was in them! Drove me nuts!

Then there's the fact that I can't go to bed at night in a bed that isn't made, and made right! No lumps or bumps, and the over hang of sheet, blanket and cover on each side of the bed had better be even!

My keys must be hung on the handle of my purse when not in use. Before I go to bed I must check the heat, that all stove burners are off, the oven is off, the doors are locked. When I come home my eyes automatically wander to the dogs' water bowl to make sure it's filled, and I have a routine for putting up my purse and briefcase that can not be altered even a little. My drinking water must be ice cold, but no ice. I can't stand shoes being left in the middle of the floor. I have very few cupboards in my kitchen because I need everything out in the open where I can see it. The lint trap on the dryer must be cleaned after each and every load. Oh, and when collecting dirty dishes in the sink, for Pete's sake - use only one sink please!!

Oh, and I'm a touch claustrophobic - which has gotten worse with age.

I must have a fully stocked freezer at all times. There are many reasons for this, most of them from my childhood. For every day items, like dishwasher soap or laundry soap, I need to have the bottle I'm using + at least one full one waiting in the wings.

Oh well. I could probably go on and on ... best I stop before you get the urge to call the guys in the white coats, right? LOL!

Camelot

2010-10-29T14:12:00.002-06:00

There once was a Camelot. Ruled by community, team, cooperative collaboration. An idyllic culture of innovation, inspiraton, passion. Alas, Camelot is dying. The new rulership cares not at all for team. "What's in it for me?" it asks, "Can you help me line my pockets? No? Well...", and it brusquely shoves the offender ...aside in its relentless pursuit of self-gratification. Self-focus. Self-greed. Always Self.

Day 11: A Recent Picture of Yourself

2010-10-29T09:13:00.005-06:00

Taken just this morning... does that qualify as "recent"? LOL!

Day 10: Photo of Me Taken Over 10 Years Ago

2010-10-28T14:08:00.007-06:00

Hmmm, let's see, this is Oct. 2010 so it'd have to be Sep. 2000 or earlier, yes?

Well. There's this pic of me when I first started at my current employer back in June, 2000...

And me carrying the Illinois flag at the front of the 1991 Last Patrol Colorado walk to raise POW/MIA awareness....

Then there's this black & white pic my brother shot of me sometime in the 1980's...

Now who'd have thought all of those would have become the many, many faces of this adorable little redhead, huh?

Day 9: A Photo I Took

2010-10-27T19:54:00.005-06:00

I do believe this is one of my fave photos. Yep, took it personally. I think it's my fave because the camera wasn't a good one. I don't think I've ever had a good camera. Still in all, not too shabby for a mediocre camera and a mediocre photo fan, eh?

Day 8: A Photo That Makes Me Sad/Angry

2010-10-26T19:50:00.005-06:00

There is one photo that fits this category for me. It has the power to make me sad and angry at the same time. It was taken just last summer in the courtyard of a nursing home. It is my Ex.

Day 7: A Photo That Makes Me Happy

2010-10-25T14:14:00.018-06:00

I have a lot of photos that make me happy, or make me smile. So what else is new, eh? Some are from the internet, some have been taken by others, and some even I have taken (and amazingly, the camera was not broken!)

Who can resist photos of babies...

There are the rare but funny shots of me, such as in a Can-Can lineup...

or making friends with the Chic-Fil-A cow...

Or the photos that are just intentionally funny...

And of course photos of the varioius and sundry "kids" in my life (2 legged, 4 legged, my own or not-so-much - doesn't really matter, I claim 'em all as "my" kids!):

All of these make me happy, and they all make me smile.

But the one that always makes me the happiest is, my photo of my mother...

Day 6: 20 of My Favorite Things

2010-10-24T19:31:00.009-06:00

There is so much about life in general, and my life in particular, that I love that I'm thinking I'm going to have a tough time limiting to just 20. This is probably why I am not prone to sadness, worry or depression - and why when those rare instances of sadness or worry do darken my horizon, it never lasts long. Sure, I have regrets. Don't we all? And I've made whopper mistakes. Again, haven't we all? And some would say I've had a tougher life than most. But to this last, I have to ask "What's your point?" If all I do is dwell on how hard or unfair or cruel parts of my life, or even most of it, have been - am I not ultimately just making my future even tougher? Holding onto negativity is a prison. It only ever imprisons the one holding onto negativity. Never anyone else. So why would I intentionally imprison myself? I learned a long time ago to simply accept and then move on, even walk away if need be. Permanently. No waffling, no indecision. Incredible freedom in that.

Anyway, in the spirit of this meme, let's see if I can stick to just 20 favorite things; keep in mind, these are definitely not in any order of priority:

1. Fall (cooler but not cold weather, colors, fun holidays - all of it) and Spring seasons (new life & beginnings, rebirth).
2. Thunder & lightning storms (just not so much in Colorado, nor while living in a mobile home in Colorado!)
3. Full moons
4. The sea (or any large body of water, for that matter)
5. Laughing, long and hard
6. My imagination
7. The coziness of my home, and that it keeps me and my son and our dogs warm and dry.
8. The first snow (yep - even though I generally hate winter, that first snow is awesome!)
9. Unexpected hugs from my son
10. The smell of the earth and grass after a spring shower
11. The incredible purrs emanating from my 90 pound dog when he cuddles up against me
12. Phone calls out of the blue from dear friends that have moved on
13. A Chinese cleaver that, believe it or not (considering how I feel about her) was given to me by my stepmother
14. My memory of me as a very little girl dancing with my father in our kitchen (the only memory like that that I have of my father)
15. A picture I have of my birth mother (she died when I was 20 months old, I never knew her)
16. Music - just about anything but acid rock or rap.
17. Birds chirping outside my window in the morning; crickets chirping at night time
18. Horses (just being around them, not so much riding them)
19. Books
20. Cooking

Day 5: Favorite Quote

2010-10-23T18:06:00.005-06:00

And again ... I have many! I especially like Marianne Williamson. I just posted on FB this quote of Marianne's which I really like:

“Living in the present does not mean surrendering our responsibility to correct some things from the past or to plan and make way for the future; in fact, it is the ultimate taking of responsibility for both. The only point where God’s time—eternity—meets time as we know it is in the present moment. And in that place of power, both past and future are healed.”

And there's this timeless quote from her which I also love dearly...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
...gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."

But I think my very most favorite quote is one a blogger acquaintance came up with some time ago, but I've never forgotten it:

"Do not expect from others what you can not be for others."

A Kitchen and a Dog

2010-10-23T17:28:00.007-06:00

And while we were cooking, Dusty was eyeing the kitchen and plotting how to "git him some!"...

A Small Feast for Good Friends

2010-10-23T17:09:00.007-06:00

Pics of the small feast PJ & I cooked up today for friends who came over to help us winterize our swamp cooler. I had contracted in the spring w/"professionals" only because they promised they did BOTH "summer" & "winter" servicing. But when I called a month ago, they said they don't "do" winter!! These wonderful friends came to our rescue - so feeding them was the least we could do!

Scratch-made sweet corn bread (I make mine with honey instead of sugar)

Irish Lamb Stew: Lamb, bacon, barley, garlic, onions, carrots, potatoes, celery, fresh rosemary, parsley, thyme, beef broth, salt, pepper ... and a can of Guinness, of course!

Another shot of the lamb stew

Cold Guinness Draught and an iced mug, anyone?

Scratch-made Irish Soda Bread, by little ol' me!

The desserts were store bought: pumpkin pie...

A variety of dessert breads: chocolate orange marble bread, pumpkin bread, cranberry walnut bread.

Apple pie...

PJ's very own chili, made entirely by him -- YUM!!

The pot for my stew!

Another shot of PJ's YUMMO chili!

Day 4: Favorite Book

2010-10-22T14:11:00.004-06:00

I LOVE books! Truly! When I was a kid, books would take me to lands and on adventures I somehow knew I would never get to see or have. Didn't matter, because the books made everything come alive and oh-so real.

And of course - I love all types of books. Photogrpahy books, travel books, text books ... heck, even reference books! Religious books (yes - the Bible as well as many other religious writings), biographies and autobiographies, philosophy, science and science fiction, kids books, teens books, even children's books. Even books on physics! And anthropology has always intrigued me. Same with archaeology. Not as keen on history, unless I can personalize it, and even less keen on westerns. And I could care less about car repair or anything electronic (tho I thoroughly enjoy using these items!) But just about everything else is fair game with me!

And just to show how much of an oddball I am - the huger the book, the more likely I am to love it and to totally escape into it! I remember as a child disappearing for weeks or even entire summers reading the likes of Gone With the Wind, Sacajawea (the 1400+ pg version, written in 1984), War and Peace, Trail of Tears: The Rise and Fall of the Cherokee Nation, Linda Kohanov's The Tao of Equos (admittedly this one was much more recently than childhood), Kiss The Boys Goodbye (can't remember the author), the countless astrology and metaphysical books I've collected, studied and read over the years, and C.S. Lewis' Spirits in Bondage (his book written before he became a Christian; no, it's not a big book, but anything written by C.S. Lewis takes awhile to comprehend fully!)

Books teach, and I've always loved to learn. A childhood friend Cheryl remembers how I loved learning the French language -- and then even tried teaching her French!! Isn't it ironic how I can barely remember any French at all nowadays!

Books have always been magical to me, and especially (it would seem) those either authored by non-US authors, or those describing far-away cultures and lands: Pearl S. Buck's The Good Earth, nearly all of the Arthur Conan Doyle mysteries, Message in a Bottle, Ivanhoe, The Sun Also Rises, Moby Dick, The Art of War, Miss Chopsticks ... and of course all of JK Rowling's works!

I even love audio books! My most recent favorite audio book (probably because it's about fly fishing) is Mary Alice Monroe's Time Is A River.

And there have been writer's in my own family heritage: my cousin-in-law Donna is a writer, an ex-cousin-in-law is a writer, and my second-cousin Kim McElroy is not only an equine artist of considerable fame, but also a poet and writer! Even my own personal cancer story was "published" (by a small, private company - not the bigwigs) as a charity, and then I recreated it here, in its entirety.

WOW! So ... what would I classify as my all time favorite book? Well, believe it or not these days ... it is any cookbook! Yep - everytime I get a chance to go to the books store to curl up for an hour or so with a good book - I'm invariably drawn to the cookbooks! And yes, I read them just like I would a novel! Weird, huh. Oh well - that's the way it is!

Day 3: Favorite TV Program

2010-10-21T15:30:00.003-06:00

This, fortunately, isn't as tough as fave movie or song! Why? Well, to be honest, there just aren't that many interesting shows on TV anymore!!

Nonetheless, I do watch more TV than I should, and I especially love just about anything on the Food Network channel. Some shows I make a point to see as often as I can include NCIS, NCIS Los Angeles, The Good Wife and of course: Ty Pennington on Home Makeover!

But as to fave, I think I'd have to say - at least for this season - it's the new Hawaii Five O!

Day 2: My Favorite Movie

2010-10-20T14:40:00.007-06:00

Again - a tough one. I have so many movie faves, from so many genres. Basically anything but horror. I classify a fave as something I'd watch more than once on DVD. But an All Time Fave is something I'd actually pay movie theatre prices to watch more than once! Mamma Mia, The Wizard of Oz, Inkheart, Whale Rider, The Princess Bride, Angels & Demons, The Davinci Code, The River Wild, Paul Blart Mall Cop, Because of Winne Dixie, Van Helsing, WALL-E, The Water Horse, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Footlose, The Educaiton of Little Tree, Golden Compass, Avatar, Mandie's Secret Tunnel, The Secret Society of Bees, and every single one of the Harry Potter movies (past and future) ... all these and so many, many more are on my list of "faves".

But All Time Fave? That's a lot tougher. After all - a willingness to pay theatre prices to see something more than once is truly a high honor, no? Hmmmm, let's see. It'd have to be something that left a lifetime impression on me. With that in mind, I think I'd have to choose A River Runs Through It. Why? Well, I think it's first because I so deeply love fly fishing, and second I think it's because I can actually relate to both brothers. Or maybe it's because a part of me has always hoped my father's feelings towards me as a little girl were akin to the boys' father: though stoic and always hidden from public scrutiny at all costs, still very very deep and real. Oh well, here's a bit of a clip for your enjoyment...

Day 1: My Favorite Song

2010-10-19T08:58:00.015-06:00

OK, here we go!

Today's focus in the "All About Me in 30 Days" meme is: my favorite song.

This was a tough one for me to narrow down! I have always loved music, of all types and genres, and I unabashedly sing right out loud to anything I know even half the words to (much to the agony of anyone within earshot of me)! What words I don't know - I make up! I have a ton of faves! When he was a baby, I have lulled PJ to sleep with the words from Somewhere Over the Rainbow and I Could Have Danced All Night! I sing right out loud (and mostly off-key) at church each Sunday (I think I've seen earplugs in much of the congregation's ears when I attend ... hmmmm...). I sing to Rock & Roll, Country, New Age, Big Band, Kid Tunes, Gospel ... doesn't matter! I love equally songs that make me laugh, or make me cry.

Not too big on Rap, though, because I don't agree with dissing women, or authority, or using foul language -- all for no good reason. But that's just me.

Having said all that - I think I have finally settled on an all time fave: Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Were Dyin' ". Having survived cancer, double mastectomy and chemo, I totally relate to the message. Almost feels like it was written about me/for me.

It was definitely written for all of us to heed!

So without further ado, below for your enjoyment are both the lyrics and the YouTube video of Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Were Dyin' ":

The YouTube video:

And now, the lyrics: "Live Like You Were Dyin'"

He said I was in my early 40's,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time.
Asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end.
How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.
Man what ya do.
And he says,

[Chorus]

I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

He said I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn't.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all a sudden goin' fishing,
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do
If I could do it all again.
And then.

[Chorus]

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.

[Chorus]
Sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.

All About Me in 30 Days

2010-10-18T20:49:00.056-06:00

Blogger friend Crunchy Green Mom found a cute meme over at Simply Stacie who found it at Nolie’s Place called All About Me in 30 Days. Crunchy Green Mom is doing it (starting tomorrow), so I thought I would too (or at least try to keep up)! It’s 30 days of posts on a different focus each day (but of course all about me)! I think it'll be fun, and a way for any who join in to get to know each other a little better.

Here’s the post line-up:

· Day 1 – your favorite song
· Day 2 – your favorite movie
· Day 3 – your favorite television program
· Day 4 – your favorite book
· Day 5 – your favorite quote
· Day 6 – 20 of my favorite things
· Day 7 – a photo that makes you happy
· Day 8 – a photo that makes you angry/sad
· Day 9 – a photo you took
· Day 10 – a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
· Day 11 – a photo of you recently
· Day 12 – something you are OCD about
· Day 13 – a fictional book
· Day 14 – a non-fictional book
· Day 15 – your dream house
· Day 16 – a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
· Day 17 – an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
· Day 18 – your wedding/future wedding/past wedding
· Day 19 – a talent of yours
· Day 20 – a hobby of yours
· Day 21 – a recipe
· Day 22 – a website
· Day 23 – a youtube video
· Day 24 – where I live
· Day 25 – your day, in great detail
· Day 26 – your week, in great detail
· Day 27 – my worst habit
· Day 28 – what’s in my handbag/purse
· Day 29 – hopes,dreams, plans for the next 365 days
· Day 30 – a dream for the future beyond the next year

Cooking!

2010-10-10T17:51:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was cooking day: peach pie, toasted pumpkin seeds, roasted pumpkin, a big pot of cream of cabbage soup, sweet potato and apple casserole, a big batch of red chili, 3 loaves of fresh baked bread, a large batch of andouille sausage jambalaya, and a couple dozen chocolate chip cookies!

This morning's breakfast was Spicy Cayenne Cocoa Coffee (for me), orange juice or home made hot cocoa for the boys and warm fresh-baked corn bread drizzled with honey, drenched in warm milk and devoured with a spoon! Yum!

I love Fall!!

October 2010 Is An Awesome Month!!

2010-10-06T20:33:00.002-06:00

This month is awesome! Not only does it have Halloween in it, it also has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. I think this only happens every 823 years!!!! ( According to We ♥ website ).

Poverty Is No Excuse

2010-09-17T14:21:00.003-06:00

Son and I were discussing our community. He offered that maybe the overwhelming amount of rudeness, meanness, filth, lack of respect (for self, others and other's property) and criminal activity was due to poverty. I countered with, "Poverty is no excuse for any of it. Scalding water alone can clean and anyone can choose to be civil, or uncivil. Regardless of income or education. It isn't fate, it's choice."

And besides ... many of them are anything but poor.

100 Truths

2010-09-10T21:55:00.005-06:00

I'm not tagging anyone... but feel free to do this if you like, and let me know if you do so I can read your answers!!!

WHAT WAS YOUR...
1. Last beverage: Water, then milk
2. Last phone call: A business call
3. Last text message: Short
4. Last song you listened to: Sugarland's "It Happens"
5. Last time you cried: Can't remember. Now then, want to know the last time I made someone else cry?

HAVE YOU EVER...
6. Dated someone twice: And your point?
7. Been cheated on: Seriously? Have you met me? Who'd be that stupid?
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: I'm breathing, aren't I?
9. Lost someone special: Yep. They turned up in Lost and Found, though.
10. Been depressed: If you mean have I ever been sad? Of course. Thought of suicide? Yes (when I was much younger - don't we all, at that time?). But I don't know that any of this qualifies as "depressed"?
11. Been drunk and threw up: More times than I can remember.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS...
12. Red
13. Teal
14. Warm (read as "deep") yellow

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)...
15. Made a new friend: Several. All around the globe.
16. Fallen out of love: Nope. Haven't fallen in love, either.
17. Laughed until you cried: Oh yeah - my favorite pasttime!
18. Met someone who changed you: I'm told it usually works the other way around where I'm concerned. But still, yes. I'd say anytime I meet someone new, they end up changing me simply because they have entered my life.
19. Found out who your true friends were: If you mean, have I been surprised by who has turned out to be my true friends this year? The answer is no.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Nope. I'm blissfully oblivious to this type of thing!
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: You mean my FB friend list?? Oh Hell No! Well, unless you mean my son.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All of them.
23. How many kids do you want?: All that I already have.
24. Do you have any pets: Yep: our two dogs - Dusty and Peaches.
25. Do you want to change your name: Oh for Pete's sake! Why on earth would I want to do that?
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Don't remember. My birthdays go mostly unnoticed, unheralded.
27. What time did you wake up?: 4:30AM, same as every workday morning.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night?: Snoring.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: I can't/won't say it here. To do so would make me a horrible monster and completely socially unacceptable (vs. just mostly socially unacceptable).
30. Last time you saw your Mother: I've never known my mother.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My aching and (now) mostly useless body. I want my pre-chemo body back!
32. What are you listening to right now: The dishwasher.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: TomTom? TomTom says...
34. Who is getting on your nerves now?: Damn telemarketers! Being on every conceivable no-call list doesn't even stop them!!
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook .... and all the work webpages I either created or Admin.
36. What's your real name: Why do you think you don't know my real name?
37. Nicknames: Mom, Pat, Aunt Pat, Hey You, and oddly enough ... Barb! Yep, can't tell you how many people call me Barb, each and every day! People who've known me for years! I've no clue what the heck is going on with them!
38. Relationship Status: Very happily divorced and forever single. Leave it alone, or else!
39. Zodiac sign: All of them!
40. Male or female?: Female, mostly. But could also qualify as .... "????"!
41. Primary School?: You do realize you're assuming I went to school, right?
42. Secondary School?: And next I suppose you're going to ask me about "Tertiary" school, right?
43. High school/college?: Life. And the world is my classroom!
44. Hair color: Let's see: there's dark brown, dirty blond, light brown, and gray of course! All natural, too!
45. Long or short: If we're still talking hair, it is l-o-n-g, for the very first time in my life!
46. Height: Taller than 5' - barely!
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: At my age? Seriously? Wow...
48: What do you like about yourself?: Everything! What's not to love?
49. Piercings: Are you kidding me? With any luck at all, I will be burried with the same number of holes I started with!
50: Tattoos: Why mess with perfection?
51. Righty or lefty: Mostly Righty, but only because it was forced on me as a child. You know, only EVIL people are Lefties!

FIRSTS...
52. First surgery: Not sure - there was a lot of birth trauma that, for some reason, I just can't recall!
53. First piercing: Did you NOT read my answer to #49???
54. First best friend: my Creator.
55. First sport you joined : Gymnastics. Tried for basketball, but #46 above interferred!
56. First vacation: What's a vacation? Nah, seriously - camping when I was a kid.
58. First pair of trainers???: What the Hell are you talking about? Training wheels? Water wings? Diapers?? WHAT??

RIGHT NOW...
59. Eating: Nada - dinner was hours ago.
60. Drinking: Ice cold ... water!
61. I'm about to: Fall asleep...
62. Listening to music: Not right now.
63. Waiting for: Nothing. Nothing at all. At my age waiting, for anything or anyone, is foolhardy and a phenomenol waste of time!

YOUR FUTURE...
64. Want kids?: NO! I am NOT that silly old bird somewhere in Asia that thought it was a good idea to be the only pregnant woman in the nursing home!
65. Get married: Oh HELL no!!!!!!!!!! You really don't pay attention, do you?
66. Career: Retired. You did mean DREAM career, did you not?
67. Lips or eyes: Yes, I hope to retain both in my future!
68. Hugs or kisses: Always welcome, especially from my son or my dogs!
69. Shorter or taller: You mean I can CHOOSE to be taller?????
70. Older or Younger: Seriously? Who in their right mind - other than tykes under the age of 10 - actually chooses to be older? (^_^)
71. Romantic or spontaneous: These are supposed to be questioned about my future? As in, I'm going to be romantic or spontaneous? I'm confused. But OK, I'll play along: I've almost always been spontaneous, so don't see any reason to change now!
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: I have both, thank you, and intent to keep 'em!
73. Sensitive or loud: I'm actually not too much of either - don't see that changing much in my future.
74. Hook-up or relationship: Now you've really confused me. I'm not a trailer or a propane tank, ya know!!

HAVE YOU EVER...
76. Kissed a stranger: Not while he was still a stranger!
77. Drank hard liquor: Other than Scotch, Jack Daniels, Old Turkey, Crown Royal, Tequilla, Rum, Vodka, Bourbon, Sambuca and Jim Beam - nope!
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Not that I can remember. Not lost. Temporarily misplaced or lost track of, sure!
79. Sex on first date: Are you asking me, or telling me?
80. Broken someone's heart: Of course.
82. Been arrested: Yup.
83. Turned someone down: Have you MET me?
84. Cried when someone died: Yup. I've also NOT cried when someone died.
85. Fallen for a friend: Why on earth would anyone ever fall for an enemy???

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
86. Yourself: Yup.
87. God: Without a doubt.
88. Love at first sight: Yup.
89. Heaven: Yup, but I believe it is a state of being, not a place.
90. Santa Claus: I believe in the concept of who and what "Santa Claus" represents.
91. Kiss on the first date: I do not kiss dates. Chocolate kisses, maybe. But never dates!
92. Angels: Yup. Armies of them are required to keep me out of mischief!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY - Why? You think I've been lying so far?
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Yup.
95. Did you sing today?: Of course!
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: Depends on one's definition of "cheat": I was in process of getting a divorce at the time. And no - not the most recent divorce!
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? I would very much have liked to known my mother.
98. The moment you would choose to relive: When the lion and I "communicated", that time long ago on the threadbare bed of my childhood.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Not afraid, just not interested. I'm too busy being me, at long last!
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: What on earth else could I possibly post it as? 1000 Minus 900 Truths????

8-SEP-2010 Gratitude

2010-09-08T20:57:00.003-06:00

Though they're stiff and ache continually, I am grateful I have working arms and legs. I am grateful I have eyes and ears and a voice. I am grateful I have tastebuds and a sense of smell. Most of all I am grateful that no matter what can be taken from me no one can ever take from me my thoughts, my feelings, my attitude ... or that whether my life is "OK" or "not so much" is entirely up to the choices I make.

6-SEP-2010 Gratitude

2010-09-06T21:38:00.002-06:00

Was it only 4 days ago I said I was grateful for opportunities to say "No"? Be careful what you're grateful for! Today was FULL of saying "No" to teenaged son, and him in turn challenging my resolve at every turn! I'm emotionally drained and I'm betting he is too. At this point I've only 1 entry to tonight's Gratitude Journal: I'm grateful that sleep will act as a natural "time out" for both of us! Good night all!

5-SEP-2010 Gratitude

2010-09-06T21:31:00.003-06:00

Gratitude Journal: Grateful for yummy banana split pancakes with bacon this AM and roast chicken with roasted veggies at dinner. Grateful for the phone call and long good talk with my eldest tonight. Grateful younger son was invited to swimming two nights in a row and to a sleep over tonight. Grateful my mobility wasn't as compromised as I thought it'd be. Grateful blissful sleep is within sight!

4-SEP-2010 Gratitude

2010-09-04T21:20:00.002-06:00

I am grateful for this heavenly beer (yes, I'm still sipping it - yes, same one!)

Ugh - I'm Insane

2010-09-04T20:22:00.008-06:00

Ugh, I'm insane!! I'm in the habit of pushing my l-o-u-d-l-y protesting body and joints until they, and I, are near collapse! I then spend the next 2-3 days downing ridiculous amounts of ibuprofen just to be able to move at all! Some habit, eh?

Like today. First, I cleaned the mudroom. What a workout that! Then I headed outside and hacked down a small forest of weeds, by hand, with a hacksaw (being weed-wacker-less!) Some of those weeds were taller than I've ever dreamed of being! And trust me, I dream big!

By then, of course the room was spinning...

To get the room to stop spinning, I needed something to eat. PJ came to my rescue, making me his specialty grilled cheese on English muffins sans butter, sliced peaches and tossing in a nod to my elevated cholesterol with a mix of raisin, nuts and Chex Mix (rather than greasy potato chips or fries). The room stopped spinning. A little. Very little.

Of course, I took this as my cue to get up and do something! But what? Do I tackle cleaning the office, or go back out under the grueling sun and try to fix the skirting, or work on tonight's dinner, or finish the laundry, or work on the charts and reports awaiting my attention, or fix (at long last) the broken doorjams and doorknobs and locks, and replace the burned out light bulbs while I'm at it ... or just run away??

Well dishes got done, laundry was tackled and dried (not yet folded though), I opted to simply close the office door, managed to fix 1/2 the skirting, and PJ (and a friend) came to my rescue (again) by cleaning up the hewn forest, raking the dog poop and mowing.

While pondering what to do for dinner ... Wait! Damn! My ibuprofen bottle is nearly empty! Well that's it then. It's off to the store I go for more, lest my knees & back never forgive me. Dinner, rest of skirting, broken flooring, broken doorjams door handles and locks, sweeping, charts and reports, blown lightbulbs, freezer organizing - are all just going to have to wait! Sigh...

At about 7:15PM this evening I gave up, flew the white flag, sat down giving my now screaming knees and back a break. I sat down with the one and only bottle of Miller Genuine Draft (beer) left in the house. Ibuprofen can wait until night time. It is now 8:45PM and I am still sipping that same heavenly beer!

Damn good thing there was only one bottle left, otherwise night time might never come!

3-SEP-2010 Gratitude

2010-09-03T22:07:00.002-06:00

Gratitude Journal: "I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude!" ~Benjamin Disraeli

2-SEP-2010 Gratitude

2010-09-02T22:08:00.002-06:00

Gratitude Journal: Grateful for all the opportunities to say No. When I'm strong enough to say No, room is made for all the much more important Yesses! Put another way: most of us have heard "choose your battles wisely". What happens if instead we say "choose your 'being' wisely"? Could fewer "battles" be a natural consequence? Is saying "No" so we can say "Yes" to the right things that powerful?

1-SEP-2010 Gratitude

2010-09-01T21:03:00.002-06:00

Gratitude Journal: Tonight's journal is gonna be short & then it'll be an early night for us, seems a bug is trying to take up residence. I'm grateful both of us have kick-arse immune systems that (generally) enable us to recover quickly! Good night all!

31-AUG-2010 Gratitude

2010-08-31T22:00:00.003-06:00

I am grateful I hit the ground running this morning - running was needed! I'm grateful for the stunning mountain view that greeted me this AM, as well as the rare and beautiful glimpse of an owl in flight. I'm grateful for ibuprofen in small doses, it's helping me keep my resolve to climb 2-3 flights of stairs every day.

Lastly, I'm grateful for my chair at the end of a very l-o-n-g day!

30-AUG-2010 Gratitude Journal Entry

2010-08-30T20:52:00.004-06:00

First day of school today, I'm grateful PJ is excited about it and his teacher, and is looking forward the year. I'm grateful that at age 56, the only medical concern I am facing right now is slightly elevated cholesterol - not enough for medicine yet, if I'm smart about it. Tho I'm learning of this weeks after the fact - that my eldest rolled his semi truck - I am hugely grateful he is mostly unhurt, only scrapes and bumps.

Lastly, I am grateful for this awesome BLT sandwich I just made and am enjoying!

Today's Gratitude Journal Entry

2010-08-29T18:42:00.003-06:00

I am grateful Bob and I did not fight today. Well, not in front of PJ leastways. I am grateful Bob has PJ and me. We are all he has, and I ain't much, but having at least us is far better than being alone at the end years of one's life. I am grateful PJ knows exactly who and what his father is and yet loves him deeply anyway.

Lastly, I am grateful Sundays come only once a week!

Gratitude Journal

2010-08-28T21:39:00.004-06:00

Hang on--I'm about to launch a new daring adventure! Ready? A public Gratitude Journal! Yep, right here live every night. Well, that's the plan anyway. Let's see how this plays out, shall we?

So then. What am I grateful for today? I'm grateful PJ's room is finally in order and PJ is happily ensconced in it. I'm grateful I was able to provide it for him. I am grateful the slip I took today didn't end in a fall. I am grateful I got to sleep-in till 7am this morning! Woot Woot!

And lastly, I am grateful to Lisa Kogan for giving me permission to stay home every now and again to eat bacon in my underwear!

An Excerpt from: Someone Will Be With You Shortly

2010-08-28T21:30:00.004-06:00

So why am I sooooo enjoying my daily deliveries from DailyLit? Well, consider this little tidbit from today's delivery. It is Lisa Kogan describing her master plan to thwart her occasional need to stay at home, under the covers, eating bacon in her underwear (altho why she'd want to combat this at all is seriously beyond me!)...

"So I’ve decided to become unflappable. That’s right, I’m taking a Gray-skies-are-gonna-clear-up-put-on-a-happy-face approach to life. Next time I get sneered at on the subway platform, or elbowed at a Starbucks, I will pretend I am starring in a 1940s musical. 'Golly,' I will say to the moron who can’t wait his or her turn, 'you must be in an awful rush!' I will smile warmly. I will put out positive energy. If need be, I will summon a little empathy. I will try to understand what brings a person to a place where it becomes so easy to dehumanize his or her fellow human beings. If it works, we will have a valuable exchange, a melding of the heart. If it doesn’t, I will dump my Berry Chai Tazo Tea Infusion all over the creep, and run like hell straight back to my bacony little bed."

See? A very much needed smile, each and every day, and in only 5-7 minutes!

Daily Lit

2010-08-28T21:20:00.004-06:00

No time to read? How about 5 mins/day? Or even per week if you prefer! Suzanne at Crunchy Green Mom put me onto Daily Lit ( http://www.dailylit.com/ )!

I set my delivery preference to be via email each day at noon, so I can take a wee daily break. I'm starting with Lisa Kogan's "Somebody Will Be With You Shortly" and I am LOVING it! I think we differ on political and spiritual views, but other than that I swear she and I are clones!

Wanna join me?

New Bed - New Lease on Life!

2010-08-28T20:48:00.008-06:00

YAY!
PJ's bed frame arrived this morning!

No more sleeping on the floor (makes Mum happy), no more sleeping on the couch (even happier!) and FINALLY his own haven to hang out in and invite his friends into (leaving Mum in peace from time to time!!).

He even tidied up a bit (not as much as Mum would like but TONS better than it was).

A kid's room filled with kids and dogs and laughter ... what a concept!

What Do You Remember?

2010-08-28T20:39:00.003-06:00

If you've spent time with me, have talked with me or otherwise know me, I'd like to hear your answer to this: What is one time together with me that particularly sticks out in your memory, and why? Good or bad, doesn't matter and please don't be shy. I'm curious to see myself thru the eyes of others who have known me over these many years.

My Neighborhood Ain't Neighborly

2010-08-26T17:05:00.007-06:00

I posted this on Facebook about a week ago. Sigh. I'm still in the same frame of mind, no change at all I'm afraid. I was hoping I'd be big enough to have a change of heart, but that doesn't seem likely...

-----------

Was just reminded why I hate my neighborhood so much and refuse to associate with any of them. Dusty [ 1 of our dogs ] got out. As soon as we knew this we went looking for him, just like we always do. And just like always, he wasn't far, just down the street. Son got out of the car to put his leash on him, and a stupid cow of a woman, drunk on her ass and barely able to walk, yells at PJ: "Dat yur dog? Yeah, well, it's been crapping all over every body's yard!!" And since yelling at a kid clearly wasn't enough, she stumbles over to the car and yells at me, "Yer dog's been pooping in every body's yard!"

Stupid sot couldn't tell the difference between "pooping" and a dog simply "marking" territory!! Actually, in truth, I was slightly amazed she spoke English!

And as if that wasn't enough, on the short (less than 1 block) drive back after getting Dusty into the car, we had to pass the same under-aged teens drinking in public, gangers openly vandalising property w/their pants hanging down their asses, and drug deals going down from "resident" vehicles - that we passed when we came out to look for Dusty!

This neighborhood sucks! 90% of the population thinks it's an honor to be called Trailer Trash!! For most of them being considered Trailer Trash is an elevation in social status! I so freakin' hate this place! Don't get me wrong, I know what's in our neighborhood is found in almost any neighborhood. It's just so much more concentrated here. Been here 10 years and it has felt like a prison the entire 10 years. We have tried, very hard and very often, to be neighbors and part of the community, but it just isn't possible.

In my time I have known and befriended poor, uneducated, even addicted. I have even known and called "friend" outlaws and criminals. I have always been able to befriend folks from all walks of life, and find ways to get along with all of them.

But this freakin' community beats all! I swear!!

Actually, it took me a long time to acclimate to Colorado (not just where I live now, and not just to the elevation). Colorado is a bit of an "isolation" state. Totally unlike the Midwest I grew up in. Guess it's the "lone cowboy" syndrome that Colorado just never really outgrew. What passes for "socially active" here, most Midwesterners would find disturbingly distant, chilly and aloof. I never fully got used to it, and at this point I doubt I ever will.

I wish "aloof" was my neighborhood's problem. It isn't. It's more like the people here, collectively, have only one aim in life: to victimize anyone and everyone, even themselves. I distinctly remember that the outlaws and criminals and social outcasts I knew in my younger years -- even they had an unwritten code of honor that each and every one of them honored. In essence: "Don't tread on me, and I won't tread on you!"

There is just no code or honor of any sort here. Not a hint...

Too Funny

2010-08-16T12:50:00.004-06:00

For us, 2010 thus far has been all about regaining healthy status: my periodontal and dental health, getting my son's eyesight stablilized, and even getting Dusty (one of our dogs) back to health.

So: just saw my general doctor and when he asked if I wanted to do anything permanent (read as: surgery) about my (now) permanently unbending knees and low back pain, I replied w/a firm & very cheerful: "Nope!! Not this year! After finally regaining periodontal, eyesight and canine health - I'm not taking on anything else this year that isn't mine to take on. I deserve a break, and I've finally learned how to give myself one! If others don't like the way my place looks on account I can't do the maintenance, or if they don't much like where I've placed my priorities ... I'm FINALLY ok with that! They can 'tut-tut' all they want!!"

He then left me totally speechless by asking, "Are you dating or seeing anyone?"

ROFLOL!!

Campfire Story Number 2

2010-08-06T20:19:00.002-06:00

One more camping story to share: The morning of day two, campers & park rangers were discussing evidence of bear activity during the night. The same night I walked to the bathrooms, by myself, at 2AM!!

Don't worry - I saw and heard nothing. But I did think about it on that walk -- there are plenty of bear warning signs at the campground entrance!

Family Camping 2010

2010-08-03T17:40:00.007-06:00

Back from camping. House is still standing, car is unpacked, everything's put away, dishwasher & washer are running, shower is taken, back to work tomorrow. Life's good & camping's awesome! Despite nearly 100% rain! Walked dogs, explored, bonded w/son, Crazy 8's, Old Maid, Poker, magic tricks, talking, laughing, met people, S'mores, campfires (yup - in the rain!), cooking, eating, warm & dry cabin.

Hello - Again!

2010-07-19T09:29:00.006-06:00

Howdy! Sorry for the extended absence(s) of late -- everything is good, honest. Just been busy being Mum to very active teenage boys (I somehow seem to acquire more chillens on the weekends than during the week - grin!!), and generally working me arse off the rest of the week! But all is good, truly. Yes, I'm smiling. Big Time smiling! And I'm at ease and at peace. At long last! Turns out single Mumhood suits me to a T. Finances are worrisome of course (ever try feeding teenage boys??), but not even finance woes can bring me down for long! I am totally in my element!!

And I have also been busy helping numerous dear and close friends get to the same place I am now at. No, not because I'm forcing my views on them. I try very hard not to do that, as you know, since I come from that background. They're asking me to help! (^_^)

Lastly, a quick dental update: dentists have agreed to pull 5 more teeth on bottom, in order to make a partial that I can live with (the current temporary "flipper" is intolerable!). They firmly vetoed a full lower plate, no matter how strenuously I argued, so I finally resorted to bartering with them, resulting in retention of 3 back molars (2 on left, 1 on right) to clip the partial onto. Nothing is urgent, so I can wait until I save the funds for the extractions and the partial.

How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?

2010-06-22T13:41:00.013-06:00

Two of my nieces are going through a rough time right now. Yesterday marked the 15th anniversary of their father's passing (my eldest brother). My heart goes out to my nieces, and to my two nephews as well.

One niece posted this link to a YouTube clip from the movie "Smoke Signals" - the part where Dick Lourie's poem "How Do We Fogive Our Fathers?" is recited. I've copied the poem below, taking liberty to add my own personal (very personal) thought at the end.

I grew up never knowing my mother (she died while I was still a baby), and for all practical purposes, never really knowing my father either (eventhough he was around physically). None of this prevents my capacity to understand the deep pain of knowing well and then loosing a parent. Again - my heart goes out to my nieces and nephews.

Rest in peace, Bro - and wrap your arms around your children, won't you? They need you...

How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?
From the Movie: Smoke Signals
Poem written by: Dick Lourie

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream?
Do we forgive our Fathers
for leaving us too often, or forever,
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage?
Or making us nervous...
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all?

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying, or not marrying, our Mothers?
For divorcing, or not divorcing, our Mothers?

Shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth? Or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing? Or leaning?
For shutting doors?
For speaking through walls?
For never speaking?
Or for never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age? Or in theirs?
Or their deaths?
Say it to them? Or not say it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

Again ... and speaking strictly for myself ... I would add this as the very last line...

"Perhaps what is left...is to know how to forgive our Mothers."

I would want my Son to know how to forgive his Father.
And me.

Today

2010-06-19T22:09:00.007-06:00

What a day! Took a drive w/the boys up to the mountains to Golden Gate Canyon St. Park, then back down to lunch at Woody's Wood Fired Pizza in Golden, then home - boys played video games I tended to laundry & dishes. Then grocery shopping. PJ'll help me clean frig later & mow tomorrow. My morrow plans are: church, PJ's dad, mopping, laundry. Am currently sitting on my butt sipping sweet tea for a short respite. Here are some pics from Woody's ... I didn't take any shots of the mountains. All the switchbacks and hairpin turns took my full concentration!

>

The Me After Recent Mouth Surgeries

2010-06-14T12:31:00.006-06:00

Notice the difference? Smiling comes a lot easier these days ... and no hand in sight!

Oh. And my hair is growing out and getting long!
A whole new me? Hmmmm....

The Me Before Mouth Surgeries

2010-06-14T11:59:00.010-06:00

I had no clue how self conscious I had become of my "old" mouth and smile! Here's a series of photos of me "before" all the recent mouth surgeries. Notice anything? Yep - most are either sans smiling, or I'm covering my mouth with my hand!

Silly Me!

2010-06-14T10:45:00.003-06:00

And sometimes I'm just plain silly: here's a pic of me admiring my "new" phone (new at the time, not any longer) shot by PJ. No, I swear, I am NOT trying to take a pic of myself! That'd be silly now wouldn't it, seeing as how the camera "eye" is facing y'all!!!!!

Not buying it? Well shoot!!! (*_*)

Full Arc Rainbow

2010-06-14T10:41:00.004-06:00

I'm not always the sharpest knife in the drawer, and here's photographic proof! Pic shot by moi, with my phone camera, from my driver's side side window, whilst speeding along at 60mph, of a full arc rainbow spotted on the way home last Friday! Jeesh - sometimes I give my army of Angels a real wokout! (^_^)

Come Again?

2010-06-13T15:13:00.003-06:00

Actual conversation this afternoon - no lie!!

Pharmacy Dude: "Can I have your address please?"
Bob: "One Zero 9 5 Zero such-&-such".
Pharmacy Dude: "Oh, no that's not right. Did you used to live at Ten 9 Fifty?"
Bemused look from me, "What does One Zero 9 5 Zero spell out to you?"
Pharmacy Dude: "But ... did he used to live at Ten 9 Fifty?"
Me, trying very hard not to laugh out loud, "Why, yes! Yes. He. Did!"

Food for Thought

2010-06-13T09:24:00.003-06:00

Let's put our seniors in jail, and criminals in nursing homes!

Nope, not my idea - got it in an email - but I like it a lot!

This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies & walks. They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc. They'd receive money, instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. Not stolen from them, as there would be stiff punishment to any staff caught stealing from them (staff punishment is near non-existant in most nursing homes nowadays). A guard would check on their well-being every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to them. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education. Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.'s and legal aid would be free, whenever requested. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a P.C. a T.V. radio, and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct, which would be strictly enforced.

The "criminals" would get cold food and be left all alone. Ignored at least, abused at worst. Lights off at 8pm. Showers only once a week. Live in a tiny room, and pay $5000.00/mo. for the "privilege". Have no hope of ever getting out.

See? Justice for all!

An Experiment

2010-06-11T12:19:00.002-06:00

I think I'm gonna try an experiment: Instead of trying to treat everyone as I would like to be treated, I'm going to start treating everyone as they treat me.

Might be a whole new me being developed here, soon!

Convince Me I'm Wrong -- Please!

2010-06-11T12:07:00.005-06:00

Earlier I asked this True or False question: If you are perceived as strong, people will actually resent you when you show signs of weakness, no matter how fleeting those signs may be. (Yeah I know - my original was much, much wordier! But it is the gist of what I was trying to ask).

I want to be very clear about my personal stance on this -- because I truly would like to be convinced I'm wrong!!

My personal stance: Absolutely True! If you are perceived as strong, people actually RESENT when you show signs of weakness!! It always confounded and infuriated me!! I always wanted to scream, "Why on earth are you getting peeved at someone simply because, for one fleeting moment, they are not as strong as YOU pegged them to be??"

I am convinced it is why SO many people are NOT strong! I'm even convinced it is why SO many actually try to be perceived as weak and needy! It's fucking easier, right? You convince others you're weak, indecisive and needy - folks never expect anything from you!! So you always get off Scott Free - never having to take personal responsibility or ownership for anything!

An Unusual Tidbit about Moi from My Past

2010-06-10T09:15:00.005-06:00

I've never had any musical training. However one time, in order to keep from failing a music class when I was in grade school, my music teacher handed me a challenge: if I could create and write an original piece for piano, and then perform it in front of the class, he'd allow me to pass his course with a D+ - despite not having done a lick of work nor any home work assignments during his entire course!

Evidently he somehow suspected that despite my pointless rebellion, I actually might have a love of music as well as some talent for it. Why he chose the piano for me, I'll never know. Especially since it had to be a "full" piece, chords and all, not just something simple akin to "chopsticks".

Well - no matter what his inspiration or instinct was -- he was right on! I did indeed create, write and then perform a full piano piece! To his stunned amazement, and the cheers of my classmates! Lucky for me, he remained true to his word and allowed me to pass his course!

I've never played the piano again, nor any other instrument!
I have always loved music, though.

How Weird Is My Life, Eh?

2010-06-10T08:53:00.006-06:00

Wow!

Son opened conversation with me, last night, with...

"Dad's expecting to get out of the hospital tomorrow."

"What?!!", I exclaimed, "When did he go in???"

!!!!

Turns out he's been in for a couple of days now! I had no clue! Not son's fault - he had thought his dad had told me.

How weird life around "The Ex" has gotten, eh? Where him being admitted to the hospital becomes so routine, no one thinks to mention it any more. Oy Vey!

True or False?

2010-06-10T08:50:00.003-06:00

Being perceived as strong - whether emotionally, physically, mentally or all three - is a trap. For the minute the perception exists the perceiver will forever after view any signs of weakness, indecision or hesitation in you - no matter how fleeting or momentary - as a personal affront and much to your consternation you will experience their resentment, disappointment and sometimes even outright anger.

True? Or false?

Wow! Long Overdue Update

2010-06-07T13:52:00.005-06:00

May 18th - was that really the last time I posted here? WOW! Guess I've been a bit more preoccupied than I realized, with life and Oral Surgery #2 and other Sundry Stuff! Truly sorry!

Am back at work today Monday; final surgery was last Thursday! Surgery was rougher this time, more complications, more bleeding (still a bit of that going on) and a touch of fever despite antibiotics. Seem to be OK now, but still very very sore. I already have the full upper plate (had them made prior to surgery), and the fit does seem to be fair enough. Was very uncomfortable at first wearing them over a mouth full of stitches and bone grafting and consequent swelling and soreness -- but today seems a bit better and more tolerable. The only problematic time with them is when attempting to bite anything (eg, slice of bread, sandwich, a bit of fruit -- anything needing the front incisors) -- that's when the upper plate seems to want to detach and embarrass me. Hoping this is just because of the stitches, etc., and it will all get better after they are removed on the 14th. Otherwise, not quite sure how I'm going to compensate for not being able to bite food? Hate to think sandwiches, fruit, garlic toast, pizza, etc., will be taboo for me going forward!

The temporary partial lower plate continues to be problematic. Has everything to do with "as they warm to mouth temperature/as the day gets longer". Starts out nice and snug in the AM but by lunch time I just know they are going to try to become part of the food I'm trying to chew! Not sure what to do about that? None of the adhesives seem to be very effective. This plate is only a temporary, so not sure if paying the money for a permanent lower partial will make a significant difference?

Oh well. What's done is done and can't be undone. Sutures come out on the 14th. Then it's just a matter of figuring out how to compensate for/adjust to my new mouth going forward. Being the Extreme Foodie that I am, I'm betting I'll figure something out fairly quickly!

And of course, meanwhile, life on just about every other front (business, personal, you-name-it) has been overwhelming and demanding and pretty much uncooperative. Time I put a stop to all that, right? Right!

The Bible - As Told By A Child

2010-05-18T17:35:00.004-06:00

Every time I read this, I crack up! Just when you think kids aren't paying attention to what we teach them! I have to share it with you, but I have no idea who to give the credit to. Rest assured this is not my work - I'm nowhere near this clever! Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one', but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.

Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable..

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.

These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.

One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.

He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

The End!

God Help Him

2010-05-16T19:29:00.006-06:00

My 8AM this morning (as posted on Facebook):

PJ is at a friend's for an overnighter and will likely be there till at least noon. I only have contact with the Ex to keep my promise of keeping father & son united; I truly have no desire to see or talk to the man at all. So I'm sitting here sipping my coffee, wondering why on Earth I feel obligated to pick him up for church when PJ won't be with us?? Anyone? Sigh. Guilt does very strange things to a person...

Guess What?
My very next Facebook post this afternoon:

OMG! Not 2 hours after I tell Ex "No" - his ass is back in the ER!!! He was FINE, HEALTHY & STRONG when I talked to him this AM. He even agrees - claims everything "just came on sudden". I'll say what everyone is too polite to say: B-U-L-L-C-R-A-P!! I refuse him so he suddenly gets admitted? Coincidence? I think NOT!!! NOT buying it!! God help him...

What a freaking piece of work!

Joey vs Pappa's Big House ... and Bowling

2010-05-15T16:32:00.016-06:00

Or in other words, my typical weekend life with teen aged boys!

Best way to give you a snapshot is to describe my last night and today with PJ (13) and his friend Joey (15).

But first I gotta embarrass 'em a bit! On a weekend awhile back, they somehow found sippy cups buried somewhere in the kitchen (don't ask - I've no clue!). So of course, being teen aged boys, they had to try 'em out! And of course I snapped a pic:

So OK, back to this weekend: last night and today. First, of course: they (always) stay up late, raiding the frig and pantry the whole time!! Then they wake up late! But when they do wake up - they wake up hungry! How is that even possible?! LOL!

Oh well - off we go to one of our favorite local restaurants: Sam's No. 3. Nope, nothing fancy. Just good food, friendly people, lively atmosphere and generous portions! After all, Joey was hungry! Well, so were PJ and I - but we tease Joey about having a hollow leg! (He does, I swear!)

PJ couldn't wait to tell Joey about Pappa's Big House Breakfast Burrito. When Joey read the description on the menu, he closed the menu and said that was what he wanted! PJ and I smiled. The waitress giggled out loud. Joey looked confused...

OK, I didn't memorize the description, but I know it starts with 6 eggs! Let's see, what else? Oh yeah: bacon, ham and gyros meats (all 3 - and lots of each!), cooked potatoes, green chili, shredded Jack cheese, cheddar cheese and one other cheese (not sure which one), peppers, onions, mushrooms (Joey chose his without mushrooms), all wrapped in two humongous soft tortillas, topped with more cheese and smothered (and I do mean smothered) in more green chili! It weighs in at about 5 pounds, is served on a huge oval platter ... and trust me, that thing covers the entire platter from edge to edge! Unfortunately, in the pics below, I didn't think to start shooting right when it was delivered, so you could see the sheer size of it. I think being at the same table made me a bit senseless for a couple seconds!

Did I mention Joey was hungry?
Did I mention Joey is, pretty much, always hungry?!!

I chose eggs Benedict, and PJ chose a bacon burger with chili fries (red chili).
Yeah ... we're wimps!!

here are some more pics of Joey and Big Pappa's, and some running commentary...

Joey and "Pappa", shortly after the start...

Halfway point (almost)!

Can He Do It?

Careful contemplation...

Joey feeling confident...

Uh-Oh ... not so confident now!

Determination...

Yay Joey!!!...

Afterwards, I thought it best to work some of the food off - so we went bowling! Surprisingly, yes ... Joey could move! We had a blast....

Lastly, a welcomed (and unusual) break for me: PJ is spending tonight at Joey's! Hip Hip Hooray - this Mum finally gets some alone time! Of course, the ever present cloud of having to pick up the Ex tomorrow still looms. Hmmmm ... maybe I can "call in sick"??? Whaddyathink? LOL!

It's About Time!

2010-04-28T09:13:00.004-06:00

Wow! Alan Webber got it exactly right, in my book! Exactly what I've been trying to convey in my own research and converations lately. To anyone who would listen (so yeah -- not much of an audience)!

And it's not just the young that feel this way. We are all, all of us of all ages, beginning to see the folly in stodgy, archaic, "traditional" work structures. Out with the old and in with the new, I say! The sooner the better!

And if "traditional" companies / corporations don't wake up to it in time -- that's entirely on them!!

An anonymous friend sent me the link and the heads up about the post, knowing what I've been struggling with (and against) lately. My sincerest thanks to that friend! And my sincerest thanks to Alan Webber! I knew I was on the right track and that my instincts were accurate! Now all that remains to be seen is whether the kinds of companies the post describes really do exist, have longevity, and can pay realistically! My money is on them. How about you?

Here's the post - go read it and let me know what you think!

It's Been Bothering Me

2010-04-24T13:05:00.012-06:00

It's been bothering me why I do not care about my recent review (see previous post). I now realize that not caring is not what bothers me. It's not fully understanding why I do not care.

It's because it is not in my DNA to aspire to mediocrity. And yet mediocrity is exactly what Corporate America - indeed, corporations worldwide, want and tolerate. Why? Because anything beyond mediocrity is threatening.

I come from a family very comfortable with aspiring to mediocrity. My father did. He willingly chose, his entire life, to fit into whatever mold society and his employers demanded of him. No more, no less. He was very comfortable providing only the expected, never anything more. He never questioned. He never challenged. And in my humble opinion, he never truly lived. He only existed. Makes me sad.

I think Nanny McPhee might have had the right concept, but managed to get it slightly wrong. If I recall the line correctly, I believe one of her lines from the show was: "When you need me but do not want me, I will stay. When you want me but do not need me, I must go." Unless I'm missing something, I actually think it should be the other way around:

"When you want me but do not need me, I will stay.
When you need me, but can not allow yourself to also want me, I must go."

I can not live anything about my life aspiring to only mediocrity. Which is why I fail at so many things. I continually fail at relationships because of it. And as many have accused me all my life, I'm unable to "knuckle down and show longevity and loyalty" to any employer because of it. I have actually tried, many times, to fit into the expected mold of mediocrity. Why? To appease society and employers, friends and family (most of all family), so that I might, just might, be accepted. Be acceptable. Constant rejection does wear a person down after all - even me. But I can not, hard as I've tried. My life, every aspect of my life, must have meaning. For it to have meaning, I have consciously chosen to serve and inspire and motivate others. I truly have a servant's heart.

But I am also human.

I need to be needed, to be appreciated for my services and talents, to get honest feedback as to whether those talents are appreciated, valued or even noticed. I'm not talking about constant praise or near-worship or continual public accolades, nor even a steady stream of gifts. Nothing like that. Just simple non-demonstrative but sincere and honest and simple recognition, appreciation and feedback.

My latest review revealed that my work neither values nor appreciates my contributions. Specifically because they are not mediocre. They are more than mediocre. I dare to be more than mediocre. And that is a threat to them. My review was all about corporate politics; it was a political review. Quite literally, in this economy, my employer can not afford to have one such as me, one who must aspire to more than mediocrity, in their midst. It is too much of a threat.

I just have to decide whether that is something I can accept. Or not. I imagine that might depend on whether any corporate entity or individual(s) out there exist who are strong enough to not be threatened by one who must aspire to more than mediocrity. To one who must have a meaningful life.

Growth?

2010-04-23T11:47:00.003-06:00

Let me tell you a story about my 2pm yesterday (4/22/2010): Son calls me, in panicked tears. I hear tornado sirens screaching in the background, and between hysterical sobs he tells me the TV is saying there's a tornado practically on top of him. I'm far away at work and late for a meetingg! I calm him down as best I can and give him a nearby neighbor's phone number. I no sooner hang up when the Ex calls. He is panicked, irritable ... and mostly incoherent. I hang up on him! I dash madly into my meeting - it's my mid-year review with my boss. My "rating" this go round can best be described as mediocre. Been there nearly 10 years. It's been one Hell of a tough winter, both personally and business-wise. Despite all this, I have taken on many additional roles at work (as we all have), and have consistently and reliably produced -- while simultaneously breaking my back to try and motivate and inspire others (who quite frankly, lately, seem almost unmotivatable).

And I get a mediocre review.

Know what surprises me the most? It's that I do not care. I am not crushed. I am not angry. I simply do not care.

It's Another Birthday Today As Well

2010-04-23T11:42:00.003-06:00

Two years ago today, 4/23/2008, also marks the birth of AWAN - a worldwide Administrative Assistant community I and another started at our place of work. Not quite sure it is flourishing as heartily as The Phoenix is, however. Time will tell ... time will tell.

I'm Two Years Old Today!

2010-04-23T11:38:00.003-06:00

Today, April 23rd, two years ago (2008), I was born. The new me. The Phoenix me. I declared my independence, via divorce, and have been boldly and thoroughly enjoying each and every minute of the new me since then. Nope. Hasn't been easy. Not at all. But it sure as Hell has been worth it!

I Like This A Lot

2010-04-22T06:09:00.002-06:00

"Those who are needy of attention, hide from themselves their greatness.
Those who are needy of opportunity, hide from themselves their power to create.
And those who are needy of love, hide from themselves what's already there."
Tom Dooley

Thank You and Good Job

2010-04-21T19:29:00.005-06:00

In at least the US and Canada, today is Admin Professionals Day and this week is Admin Professionals Week. From me to all my peers in support roles worldwide, Thank You and Happy Admin Professionals Day!

Wow

2010-04-16T08:32:00.003-06:00

WOW!

Just tried to say "Thank You" to a team I'm on and was greeted with the equivalent of "What does anything about you have to do with me?" LOL! Guess some folks are just un-thankable! Luckily, this is only an isolated instance - being buried under other messages of appreciation literally flooding in.

Just goes to prove the Power of One (albeit in a negative way in this instance) ... but only if we choose to allow it.

We Are Here, We Think

2010-04-10T19:38:00.008-06:00

Sorry I haven't been posting much, lately. As usual, life got chaotic.

Especially this past week:

First PJ got sick, then I did. Then a small blizzard, during which I took a tumble while trying to dig out my car. Layoffs and mandatory unpaid furloughs at work continue, morale is at an all time low.

And then our male dog, Dusty, took suddenly ill. Incontinence, limping/staggering, weight loss. We feared the worst and were very, very sad and worried until we could get him in to see the vet.

I was able to get him to the vet on Monday, and that's where it got worse. She (the vet, a close personal friend) had to keep him because she found blood (and blood clots) in his urine. Now we (PJ and I) were really worried. And even sadder. Late the next day she called to say I could bring Dusty home, but he wasn't out of the woods just yet. Initial diagnosis was either a bladder infection, or a tumor in the bladder. She knew I couldn't afford an expensive treatment route, which would have been a $200 ultrasound and possibly exploratory surgery, so she offered the less expensive route of assuming/treating as an infection with antibiotics and steroids. She had no idea if it would help or not, and told me so. That's why she's a good personal friend and the only one I will take our dogs to - she's considerate of my circumstances, she won't pull any punches, and all while doing the very best she can for the animals.

Well, when I first brought Dusty home, he had an accident. Not a hopeful sign, but then I realized they hadn't started him on the meds yet. So I started them immediately: the antibiotic twice a day, and the steroid once a day.

And lo and behold - that accident upon arriving home Tuesday night was the last one he's had! Yay! He is still limping a bit, but everything else about him is just awesome! Same eagerness, same lovings, same curiosity ... all the same as it's always been! And though eating and drinking water never became a problem during any of this, the vet said it was a good sign that he is still eating and drinking normally. All I can say is, it is sure good to have Dusty home! I truly hope it was only a bladder infection, that the meds will take care of it entirely, and that the limping and weight loss will improve. Funny how only one night and day without him seemed like an eternity.

And in other news (yes, we're still on the same week - this past week!): I am still toothless, mostly. Lots of unexpected surprises and setbacks during surgery: not as many teeth could be saved (eg, bone grafts) as originally thought, one majorly misplaced/malformed root, another exposed root that no amount of gum grafting could cover (so yes, it is still exposed - oh yay!), and the real bummer is that I was too heavily sedated to be allowed to make any decisions while I was in the chair. Which is a big part of the reason why I am still mostly toothless. That, and the fact that the surgeon wouldn't allow getting fitted for dentures until after the stitches were removed.

So stitches were removed last week, and large areas of my mouth are still hurting. A lot. An entire week later! In the meantime, the surgeon and the general dentist have been consulting. There's a good chance I might yet lose all the upper teeth and have to be fitted for full upper dentures!! The two bad roots I mentioned and the unsaveable teeth are all on the top. And here we all thought my bottom jaw was going to be the major problem!! It just ticks me off because my upper jaw has more of my own teeth than the lower jaw does, right now. But I sure guess there's no point holding onto teeth that aren't attached to anything and are hurting all the time, now is there? Sigh.

Oh, and last but not least (yep, all still only this past week!): the Ex is back in the hospital. Yes, again. He went in Wed night and he's still there. Son and I will be seeing him tomorrow, Sunday, but of course that's not near good enough (according to him). (Don't worry - his being upset with me, claiming I don't do enough for him or don't visit enough, is bothering me less and less these days ... in fact, not at all, not even in the least.) Do you believe he had the nerve to ask me to go to the hospital to get his key from him, then go to his apartment and pick up an oxygen tank and carrier and bring it all to him so he'd have it when they released him?? ???? Incredulously, I said, "You live three 3 minutes from the hospital!! You mean to tell me you can't last 3 minutes without oxygen? If that's the case, you seriously need to be telling the hospital you're that bad off, not me!! So no! I am not doing it!" Unfreakingbelievable!!! Exactly what part of "divorced" does he not get????

So that's been my week: PJ sick, me sick, layoffs, mandatory unpaid furloughs, Dusty sick, blizzard, I fall, my mouth still hurts and I'm still toothless, and Ex is back in hospital and is as unrealistically demanding and whiny as ever. Welcome to my world!!

Happy Anniversary To Me!

2010-03-31T13:41:00.002-06:00

Today is my 8 year survivor anniversary (from end of chemo).

Soft Food Meals Don't Have to Be Bland

2010-03-28T09:54:00.006-06:00

Today's breakfast...

Scrambled eggs...

Shredded carrot and mashed potato patties: left over mashed potatoes, 2-3 eggs depending on amount of leftovers, shredded carrots (boiled first, to soften a bit), preferred spices that weren't originally in mashed potatoes, mix and shape into patties, roll in breadcrumbs and freeze overnight between sheets of wax paper. In the morning, fry in butter! Have also mixed in: shredded zuchhini, mashed bananas, grated apples, chopped green onions (or regular onions) or even whole kernel or creamed corn. Sometimes even spinach or finely chopped broccoli. A great way to get kids to eat veggies!...

And Ta Da! This morning's breakfast: shredded carrot and mashed potato patties dolloped with sour cream, scrambled eggs and coffee. Dessert was jello!

Surgery Update

2010-03-27T16:35:00.003-06:00

It was long. I was heavily sedated, but the kind of sedation that didn't seem like sedation at the time since I was aware of everything that was going on. I never "slept", which they said is a bit unusual, and so some of the numbing shots were quite painful. Nothing that could be done about that - it had to do with the areas of the mouth that needed to be numbed. I vaguely remember them allowing a brief "walk around" break (for them as well as for me), but they were hovering closely around me as I was really unstable on my feet!

There were a couple of surprises and twists and turns. More teeth than expected were unsavable, not as many bone grafts as originally expected, disease found in unexpected areas of the mouth. It was a long, 5 hour ordeal -- for everyone. But it is over now. My mouth is full of stitches (and I do mean full) which will come out in about 1 week. Then my general dentist will fit me for the dentures, and roughly another week they'll be in.

The rest of Thursday and Friday were - weird. The prescription pain medication kept me fading in and out of consciousness. And recall of the events, the ride home, what I did -- it's still fuzzy but is slowly coming into focus. I'm pretty sure when it all comes back to me I'm gonna be really embarrassed! In the meantime, I've switched myself to Ibuprofen. That prescription painkiller is just a bit too weird for me. Good and fun -- but weird! I didn't want to get to liking it too much!

In the meantime, today I've been busy making foods I can eat: puddings are made (chocolate and vanilla). A Jello dessert is also made (cherry jello infused with chocolate pudding - don't ask, I experiment a lot!). Homemade mashed potatoes are made, w/enough extra to make veggie fritters as well. I have plenty of homemade french onion and potato soup in the freezer, and a good friend made some chicken noodle soup for me. I'll likely boil up some hard boiled eggs. And today I finally felt "safe" enough to drive, so made a quick trip to the store to pick up milk, yogurt, pasta and bananas.

All in all, life is good. Toothless and full of stitches - but good! I'm glad the worst is over. Now I just have to face paying for it all!

My Pics of Blizzard of 2010

2010-03-24T18:14:00.007-06:00

Eve of Oral Surgery

2010-03-24T18:06:00.004-06:00

Full mouth surgery tomorrow. Estimated to take 5-6 hours - and I won't be knocked out for it! Purpose: to rid myself of a massive whole-mouth infection that is rapidly eroding both jaw bones. So -- clearly NOT cosmetic! Work to be done: full mouth osseous surgery, 6 points of bone grafting, extraction of several teeth that can not be saved even with bone grafting, and deep (DEEP) cleaning of whatever remains - in order to restore full health.

Folks. Dental work is my Achilles Heel! I'm not lying. I'd rather undergo 10 double mastectomies than undergo what I'm facing tomorrow. I've already had one double mastectomy, so I do know what I'm talking about. And I'm not lying.

Oh well. This too shall pass, and I'll be fine. It's just the getting to "fine" that has me in a tither!

March 20 Birthday Horoscope: 2010-2011

2010-03-21T08:04:00.004-06:00

March 20 Birthday Horoscope

Hmmm - this is always fun...

If You Were Born Today, March 20: Famous people born today: B.F. Skinner, Spike Lee, Carl Reiner, William Hurt, Fred Rogers, Brian Mulroney, Holly Hunter.

Your Birthday Year Forecast: The Sun in harmonious aspect to the Moon in your Solar Return chart is a pleasant aspect, suggesting that your domestic and career needs are not in competition with one another this year. Your inner needs tend to be mirrored by external events, and vice versa. You are likely to be on top of your game this year for the most part, and positive connections with others can be made fairly easily. A comfortable level of personal popularity helps keep conflict to a minimum. With the ability to handle your emotions successfully, there will be less stress on both your mind and body. Your self-confidence and positive attitude will reward you!

With Uranus electrifying your Sun much of the year, you can expect a more liberated and interesting year than most. Changes are in store for you, and they're likely to be very positive if you recognize and honor your need for newness in your life.

Jupiter transits your Sun this year, bringing more awareness of moral issues and long-term goals, as well as a stronger than usual desire to improve and learn this year. Optimism and confidence are with you, and you are able to attract fortunate circumstances into your life as a result. Problems are easier to resolve this year. You are more sociable and might meet especially helpful people during this period. Travel opportunities are more likely. Your broader perspective on matters this year keeps you from getting lost in details or overly frustrated by everyday stresses and strains. This transit heightens your optimism and generosity, and the entire cycle, which runs until December, has the potential for being a relaxed, fortunate, and hopeful time in your life. You are greeting life with a fresh, can-do attitude. What happened in the past is not very important to you now--it's the future you're eyeing now. Events occur that help you to overcome problems that previously seemed challenging or even insurmountable--you have an altogether different perspective on life now, and are not inclined much to sweat the small stuff. You create a distinct first impression on others, and your likeability increases.

Jupiter and Uranus on your Sun really speeds up your life, giving you the confidence to move forward and leave worn out past attitudes behind, although you should watch for taking too many risks. You are exceptionally open to new energies, approaches, and attitudes this year.

Mars harmonizes with Saturn and Uranus around the the time of your birthday this year, helping to ground you but also keep you open to new methods and possibilities. Much can be accomplished this year, especially if you move ahead methodically with attention on the future. Work is solid this year, and you can see results from your efforts, or at least foresee success down the road. This gives you a sense of responsibility and a feeling of directedness and purposefulness. Traditional methods work, and thoroughness brings rewards. Practice or refining a technique is favored this year. The approach that seems to work best with this aspect is a step-by-step one, with modest ambitions and the appreciation of slow but steady progress.

The Sun opposes Saturn and trines Mars, also suggesting the potential for much productivity this year, although there are likely to be some challenges with communication or small setbacks to existing projects that need to be overcome. Some indecisiveness is likely as you struggle between clinging to the tried and true and embracing the new.

Mercury square Pluto in your Solar Return chart introduces some intensity in your thought patterns and interactions with others. Try to avoid coming on too strong with your opinions. You are hungry for deeper meaning, but a suspicious attitude, or making mountains out of molehills, won’t serve you well. Some secretiveness is possible. Your need to investigate and read between the lines is strong this year. It’s best used for research and increased awareness of psychological motivations, both of others and yourself.

Saturn is square Pluto in your Solar Return chart. This suggests a need for you to come to terms with your own powers of authority and your effectiveness. Power struggles, frustration, and manipulation are possible themes this year. You may desire change, but feel blocked by others or by circumstances. Alternatively, you may be attempting to resist change that is inevitable. Persistence will pay off in the end, and the need to adjust your expectations becomes obvious.

Personal confidence and hopefulness run high, and so does a need for freedom and independence. However, some indecisiveness is likely. New ideas are abundant and learning opportunities many. This is a busy period in your life in which you make helpful and stimulating contacts. Work is solid and brings slow but steady rewards. Even so, you are especially imaginative and creative, and channeling this energy into something productive can bring rewards.

2010 is a Number Eight year for you. Ruled by Saturn. This is a year of power and accomplishment. Actively seeking to expand, taking educated risks, and moving forward are highlighted. This is a year of opportunity, particularly in the material and business world, and opportunities need to be seized. It's generally not a year to find a new love partner, simply because the focus is on the material world and your place in the world. This is a problem-solving year in which you can expect real, tangible results. Advice - take action, plan ahead, seize opportunities.

2011 will be a Number Nine year for you. Ruled by Mars. This is a year of completion and transition. It is a time when we need to let go of things that no longer serve their purpose, and hold on to things that have a future. It is a time of cleaning out dead wood, not necessarily for new beginnings. It can be a time when a burden has been taken off your shoulders, and it can be a year of giving of yourself. Advice - let go of things that are holding you back, give of yourself and express your sympathetic, compassionate side.

I Have The BEST Friends!

2010-03-06T09:28:00.005-07:00

OMG! I have the best, BEST friends in the world, and I love them! A complete surprise, totally unexpected, no reason at all, just because we're friends and I miss you Sweetbox delivery from the BEST pastry chef and FRIEND in the world - my friend Jin!!! I managed to snap a few shots before the majority disappeared. Currently working on the out-of-this world olive and cheese brioche!!